It turns out, I’m the least productive person ever. I really need to get myself together, but I can’t seem to. My thesis is boring me, and I have trouble focusing at home, but I don’t have a car to drive to the library/a coffee shop. I’m not even wasting time in a productive way. The internet is my worst enemy right now.
I keep daydreaming about finishing college, going abroad for awhile, going to get my Master’s in interpretation and translation, but there’s still so much to do before I even start my last semester of college, and I can’t seem to summon the strength to do it.
Things have been weird at home anyway. My brother and I aren’t getting a long, and my granddad is doing really badly again. Mental health is so hard to understand. Its hard not to blame him for hurting himself and not noticing how much that hurts the rest of us. It’s been nice, though, being with my friends, but I barely got to see some of them and they’re already gone again.
I feel like I’ve lost my drive. I don’t have much energy or enthusiasm for anything, but a lot of that has to do with how I’m treating my body… No exercise, not eating great, dehydrated, not doing my physical therapy. So, I’m tired and in pain and unfocused almost all the time. I really need to figure out how to get my act together. Good thing it’s almost New Year’s. I could use some resolutions.
